Dreaming of Rhapsody Read online

  “Sooo…have you?” he asks.

  “It’s rude to talk about it with other people. That’s what Dez says.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not like a locker room full of guys. I’m your big brother.”

  “Still not telling you,” I say.

  “Fine, prissy Patricia,” he says before flicking a piece of cereal at me. I throw a piece of my toast at him and he jumps up and puts me in a headlock, then we’re wrestling on the floor of the kitchen until we’re both laughing so hard that we can’t breathe.

  As we lie there side by side, trying to catch our breath, he looks at me. “You really like her, don’t you?”

  I nod.

  “Okay.” He sighs. “I’m going to try not to worry. She seems great…and into you.”

  “She is into me,” I answer. Because I can tell she is by the way she smiles at me. It’s not like the smile she shows to anyone else.

  “But if you need anything, you’ll let me know? Like advice, or if she makes you sad or anything?”

  I scramble up and hold my hand down to help him stand. “You haven’t had a girlfriend since you were in high school what advice can you give me?”

  He snorts. “Legitimate point.” Then he puts a hand on my shoulder. “You’re the best guy I know, Toph. I just worry about someone taking advantage of you.”

  “She won’t. But thank you.”

  Then we clean up and get ready to go to the studio where I can kiss Rachel and play my bass. It’s going to be a good day.

  * * *

  “Really?” Margo says as I walk into the studio. “You’re going to have him here all day?”

  I set Carlos down and he runs around sniffing everything in the room. “Yeah. Why not?”

  She gives me that face that says she’s mad. But that’s the only face she’s given me since Rachel got here.

  “Maybe if you didn’t have to take care of the new herd of dogs you’d actually have some time to hang out with me. Remember me? Your bestie?” Then she shows me all her teeth. I think it’s supposed to be a smile, but even I can tell it’s fake.

  “If I have extra time I want to spend it with Rachel,” I tell her.

  “Oh my God.” She shakes her head. “Topher, you’re not supposed to say shit like that to people.”

  And I realize right then that Rachel’s never said I’m not supposed to do something. She’s never told me what I should or shouldn’t say. She’s never told me I’m wrong. Margo spends a lot of time telling me I’m wrong. I’m kind of tired of it.

  I shrug. “I’m just telling the truth.”

  “Topher!” She glares at me.

  I’m about to say she should stop telling me everything I do wrong when the door opens and Rachel walks in talking to Garrett. They’re laughing and her cheeks are pink. Something heavy and sharp is inside me and I don’t like it. And all I can think is what if she likes Garrett better than me?

  She turns and sees me and comes over, standing close, almost touching me. “You’re here.” Her voice is soft the way that makes my dick get hard.

  Then she leans up on her tiptoes and kisses me on the cheek. Garrett is smiling at us, and that bad, heavy feeling goes away. I put my hands on her waist and kiss her on the lips. I know I’m not supposed to put my tongue in her mouth right now, but I wish I could.

  “Okay, kids,” Garrett says. “You can paw each other later. I need Topher to lay down some rhythm while I do this rapping part of the song.”

  “I still think you’re insane to try rapping on one of your tracks,” Margo says, giving me a dirty look before turning back to her equipment. “There should be a rule that white hipster dudes aren’t allowed to rap.”

  Garrett just shakes his head and says, “You have no faith in me, babe, but I’ll show you. I’ll show everyone!” Then he laughs like a guy in a horror movie.

  “You’ll wait for me?” I ask Rachel.

  She puts her palm on my cheek. “I’ll be right here. I have plenty of studying to do.”

  “Okay.” I kiss her one more time and then go into the studio with Garrett, the pink and blue beats of Rachel dancing in my head. Such pretty beats.

  Rachel

  “What are you going to do when you have to go back to Colorado?” Margo asks me as soon as Garrett and Topher are in the studio warming up.

  I keep taking notes and don’t look at her. The last two days were nice, I studied while she was at work, then we did stuff like go to sushi and hang out with her friend Lisa at a wine bar. It was nice, and we didn’t discuss Topher at all, even though I know she could tell I was texting with him a lot.

  “I don’t know. We’re just having fun.” I’m lying, but I can’t admit to her of all people that I’m totally falling for him.

  “You’re going to break his heart,” she says softly.

  “Isn’t that his decision to make? He’s not a child.” She glares at me. “And what do you want me to do?” I ask throwing my hands up in the air. “He likes me. I like him. We want to spend some time together. We haven’t talked about anything beyond that. I didn’t set out to land myself a rock star or something. I just…” I stop, so frustrated I’m having a hard time expressing myself.

  She looks at me and for the first time she has sympathy in her eyes. “I know,” she says making her way over to the sofa where I’m sitting. She sits next to me and puts an arm around my shoulders. “I love you both, I don’t want anyone to get hurt, and that’s the only outcome I can see here.”

  I nod, in all honesty I’m afraid she’s right, but I don’t want to face up to it yet. “I have to see it through,” I tell her. “I can’t not be with him right now.”

  She sighs. “Okay.” Then she gives me a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry if I’ve been hard on you.” She watches the guys through the window for a moment. “I don’t think I ever imagined Topher getting involved with someone. It’s out of my wheelhouse. I’m not sure what to think or expect, or try to prepare for.”

  “Maybe you should think or expect or prepare for anything, because he’s a grown man, and he’s dated me a few times, it’s not like we’re pregnant teens.”

  She snort laughs. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try to remember that.”

  Then Carlos puts his paws up on Margo’s knees, begging for attention.

  “Fine. Come here you little nuisance,” she says as she picks him up and walks over to her workstation. She puts him on her lap as she starts to adjust settings on the computer. Carlos settles in for the pets that she’s offering. My sister isn’t nearly as hardass as she pretends to be sometimes.

  * * *

  Margo has a job up in Santa Barbara first thing tomorrow morning, so after she records the session with Topher and Garrett she leaves to drive north and spend the night in a hotel. Topher says he’ll give me a ride home, and when we leave the studio the California sky is clear and Topher is smiling. He doesn’t do it often, but when he does, it’s soul deep and as warm as the sun above.

  “What did you think of Garrett’s rapping?” I ask as Topher puts Carlos in his little kennel in the backseat.

  “I think he has pretty good rhythm. Blaze won’t like it though.”

  “Does Blaze not like to try new stuff?”

  “No, Blaze likes to be the boss of everything.” Topher glances at me. “He’s loud.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, I can see that.”

  “What do you want to do?” he asks as we pull out onto the six-lane highway that’s a few blocks from the recording studio.

  “I wondered if you want to come over and I’ll cook us dinner?” I ask. I’m nervous, because I know what this will probably lead to, but I want it. Even though it will make it hurt even more when I have to leave I still want it. Topher is worth it.

  I see his knuckles tighten on the steering wheel and I wonder if he’s thinking about the same thing I am.

  “Can I bring the dogs?” he asks.

  “Of course. We’ll take them on a walk before we eat.”

&n
bsp; He nods.

  “Okay, grocery store first, then we’ll pick up Sebastian.”

  He glances at me, then nods again, more firmly this time. We don’t have to talk about it to come to an understanding. I know we’ve just agreed that we’re going to sleep together tonight, and my heart is racing in anticipation. The part of my brain that still has a small bit of sense is screaming at me that this is a terrible mistake. I know this is going to take whatever reserves my heart has left and crush them. I’ll be hopelessly in love with him by tomorrow morning, but it’s like a runaway train—this thing between us. I can’t stop it any more than he can. We have to let it take its course and deal with the consequences.

  Topher

  I haven’t told Rachel something, and now I’m going to have to. It’s never mattered before because Carson always encouraged me to stick to the blowjobs. I was fine with that. Those girls were just girls. Rachel is different, and now I have to tell her the truth, and I hope she doesn’t think I’m weird. I’m the only guy I know who hasn’t had real sex.

  After we get the dogs and the groceries to Margo’s apartment I take Sebastian and Carlos on a walk while Rachel starts cooking. When I get back there are kabobs on Margo’s grill on the deck, and baked potatoes too. I slice up vegetables while Rachel makes corn bread, and when it’s all done we sit down at the table to eat. I like that I can be here with her like this and it’s okay if I don’t talk. She talks some, and I like to listen to the sound of her voice, the cadence of her words. It all mixes to make the pink and turquoise swirls in my head, and sometimes I feel a little dizzy just from being close to her. But only in a good way.

  “Your corn bread is a lot better than my mom’s,” I tell her as I reach for a second piece.

  “Yeah? What was wrong with hers?”

  I shrug. “It was dry,” I say before taking a big bite of the sweet bread slathered in butter.

  “It’s hard to make it just right. Sometimes I do better than others.”

  “You do everything right.”

  Her cheeks turn pink and she smiles with her lips closed. It makes me want to stop eating and just kiss her, press into her, touch her all the places I can.

  Once we’re done with dinner I do the dishes and Rachel watches me.

  “You have very good manners,” she says. “Your mom must have taught you well.”

  I nod. “My mom said that no matter what else I did, if I had good manners people would like me.”

  I lean down to put a plate in the dishwasher and then I feel her hand on the back of my neck. I stand and she’s watching me. Her eyes are big, like an anime character. And her tongue darts out to lick her lips. And all I can think about is kissing her again. And again. And again.

  So, I do.

  She rests her hands on my chest and I feel their heat through my t-shirt. My lips move over her and she sighs. I love the way it sounds and feels on my skin. I pull her closer to me, and let one of my hands slip down to cup her butt. It’s the most perfectly round thing I’ve ever held.

  I pull her closer, up against my dick because it hurts and I know that more pressure will help. She wraps her arms around my neck and holds on tight. The first few times we kissed and touched I sometimes had to take a break. Not because I didn’t like the touching but because it was so much that the colors in my head would take over. They got too bright, the rhythms dancing so fast they made me dizzy.

  But after a few times I learned to control it. I remind myself that there’s a pattern to the colors and the beats, and once I see it again then everything goes back to being ordered. I like order.

  We’re both breathing hard now, and I’ve slipped my hands down the back of her jeans to feel her skin to skin. It’s almost as good as when I touch her breasts.

  “We should go to my room,” she gasps in between kisses.

  “Okay,” I whisper back.

  She pulls away and takes my hand, leading me to Margo’s guest room where she’s staying.

  Once we’re there she sits on the edge of the bed and looks at me. I know I’m supposed to do something now, but it’s time to tell her the truth, and I don’t know how.

  “I’ve never had sex,” I finally blurt. My face is hot, and I can’t look at her.

  “Oh.” She pauses for a moment. “Do you want to?” she asks, her voice small. Then I do look at her, and she’s staring at her hands folded in her lap.

  I sit next to her. “Yeah. A lot.”

  “Okay. Me too.” She smiles at me and my heart beats a new rhythm. Two short then one long. Two short. One long.

  “I have a condom,” I tell her, so she’ll know that I’m being responsible.

  She giggles a little. “Good. Because I don’t.”

  “Have you…have you done it before?”

  She nods.

  “I kind of wish you hadn’t.” My stomach twists and that heavy, sharp feeling I had when I saw her with Garrett comes back.

  She runs her fingers through my hair and then cups my jaw. “Topher. When I’m with you I can’t even remember any other men. You make me really happy.”

  “You make me happy too.” Then before I know what’s happening our lips have met and I’m kissing her hard, my tongue dipping into her mouth over and over to taste her, feel her, know everything about her.

  I pull on her stretchy top, trying to get it over her head. We pause and she pulls it off, unclasping and removing her bra at the same time. “You too,” she tells me, so I whip my t-shirt over my head. I hold her close then, our skin touching from neck to waist, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life. It doesn’t make anything hurt, it feels hot and soft, and my dick gets harder than it ever has in my life.

  I keep kissing her but unbutton her jeans and then lift her so she’s standing in front of me. I peel her jeans off, and look at what she’s wearing underneath—a tiny blue thong. My heart beats all fast beats. Fast, fast, fast. And it’s harder to breathe too.

  I lean forward and press kisses to her stomach. It’s such smooth perfect skin. I can’t stop touching it.

  She steps out of her jeans and I undo mine and wiggle them off, still sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “Rachel?” I ask, my voice rough and deep.

  “Yeah?” she says gazing at me with those anime eyes and touching my hair so gently I want to rub my head against her like a cat would.

  “I want to put my mouth on you—everywhere.”

  She knows exactly what I want and hooks her thumbs in the tiny elastic strings that hold her underwear up. After she slides them down her long legs, I can smell her. Tangy, citrusy. It makes my mouth water. She only has a little bit of hair there, and I think that’s really pretty.

  I lean forward, pressing my lips to the skin right above the hair. She shivers. “Are you cold?” I ask, looking up at her face.

  She smiles and I smile back without thinking. “No. I’m just happy to be with you.”

  “Me too,” I murmur before I move my lips lower. I kiss over the smooth hair, then I put my tongue out and lick. I touch her just inside the groove that hides her from my sight. She gasps, and stiffens. I’m not sure, but I think she likes that, so I do it again, licking harder this time. She moans, and I feel her hands begin sliding through my hair, making a pattern that I focus on while I push my tongue deeper and faster.

  “Ohhh,” she gasps. I want to get closer, so I lift one of her legs and put it on the bed next to my hip, then I use my fingers to spread her folds. This time when I lick she quivers and moans even louder. I wrap an arm around her hips to hold her to me tighter. I love the way she tastes. It’s like sunshine bursting on my tongue. I lick and suck, and then I take my fingers and slide them inside of her. That’s when my nerves go through the stratosphere. I can feel myself losing control and I have to stop and breathe deep, inhaling her, all her colors, all her beats. I focus on the rhythm that plays in my head for her, and slowly, everything smoothes out, and I can focus again.

  “Please move,” she
gasps, and I move my tongue around in circles as I push my fingers in deeper, then pull them out part way.

  “God,” she cries out.

  I stop and jerk my head to look up at her. “Did I hurt you?” I ask.

  “No, no. You feel so good, Topher. So good.”

  I smile and I didn’t even see her smile first.

  I put my tongue back on her because I really like the way she breathes and moves when I do it. I like everything about it. Her taste, her smell, the way that slick skin feels on my tongue. Nothing about her is rough, which is good.

  My fingers keep sliding in and out, in and out. I create a new rhythm with them, and I count it in my head because it helps keep me calm. Fast slide in. Long slide out. Fast in. Long out. Then I feel her inside, tightening around my fingers, and she’s making these little cries. My dick hurts it’s pressing so hard against my boxers. And then it happens, she gets stiff in my arms, and she cries my name, her channel throbbing against my fingers. And it’s all the rhythms. All the beats. All the colors. It’s everything. It’s the world, it’s life, it’s love, it’s her and me, and my music pulsing through the air.

  And then, something inside me takes over, and all I can think is that I have to be inside of her. I have to.

  I flip her onto the bed, and she gives a little squeak, but I’m too focused on getting my boxers off. I strip fast, not even stopping to fold them like I usually do. I’m climbing onto her when she gasps, “condom.” Shit. No wonder Carson kept making such a big deal out of it. I can hardly think I want inside her so badly.

  I get the packet out of my jeans pocket and kneel on the bed fumbling with it.

  “Let me,” she says and takes it from me. I grit my teeth as she rolls it over my dick. I think I might like to watch her do that sometime, but not now.

  As soon as it’s on I press her back, and lie between her legs, my arms on either side of her head. I look into her eyes, and they’re different than I’ve ever seen them. Kind of shiny and sleepy.