Addicted to Rhapsody: A Rhapsody Novel Read online

  Addicted to Rhapsody

  A Rhapsody Novel

  Selena Laurence

  Golden Age Press

  Copyright 2017 © Selena Laurence

  All Rights Reserved

  Copy Editing by Proof Before You Publish

  Cover by Sweet and Spicy Designs

  All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, sorted in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner of this book. This contemporary romance is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents, are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. This ebook is licensed for your personal use only. This book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with.

  For permission to use any portion of this material, please contact the author at: [email protected]

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  About Addicted to Rhapsody

  Praise For Selena Laurence

  Books by Selena Laurence

  1. Garrett

  2. Savvy

  3. Garrett

  4. Savvy

  5. Garrett

  6. Savvy

  7. Garrett

  8. Savvy

  9. Garrett

  10. Savvy

  11. Garrett

  12. Savvy

  13. Garrett

  14. Savvy

  15. Garrett

  16. Savvy

  17. Garrett

  18. Savvy

  19. Garrett

  20. Savvy

  21. Garrett

  22. Savvy

  23. Garrett

  24. Savvy

  25. Garrett

  Epilogue

  About The Czar

  26. Mick

  27. Solana

  28. Mick

  29. Solana

  About the Author

  About Addicted to Rhapsody

  Guilt is the hardest habit to kick.

  Garrett Jakes is the sexy and sex-addicted lead singer of Rhapsody. Now in recovery, he's trying to clean up his act and atone for his mistakes. The only problem is he can't stop the guilt he feels whenever he looks at his friend Savvy. They have history, and he's not sure if he's helping or hurting when he tries to become a bigger part of her life.

  Savvy O'Roark is a widow and a mom at twenty-eight. She watched as her husband was murdered while trying to protect her. Now she's struggling to keep her husband's business and his memory alive, and Garrett wants to help. The only problem is she can't stop the guilt she feels whenever she looks at him. Their history is one that haunts her, and she's not sure that's something she can ever get past.

  As Savvy and Garrett struggle to overcome their demons, they must also face the one thing neither of them can ever take back. Will they learn how to honor and forgive, but also love and let go? Can something that started all wrong end up right? Or will guilt be a habit they simply can't kick?

  Praise For Selena Laurence

  "Laurence’s tightly woven story is a superb mix of sexual and political tension that’s certain to please fans of both." — Publisher's Weekly review of THE KINGMAKER

  "Delicious and Intriguing." — Lauren Blakely, NYT Bestselling Author on A LUSH BETRAYAL

  “Selena Laurence has the ability to bring to life complex characters you instantly start rooting for from page one. Passion, humor, and a sexy hero all make for one read you don’t want to miss.” — Ilsa Madden-Mills, Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author on PLAYING WITH FIRE

  "I totally fell in love with Nico and Tess’s story." — Cindi Madden, USA TODAY Bestselling Author on THE HEIR

  "The plot is deftly written and readers will be totally engrossed in the story" — InD'Tale Magazine review of A LUSH BETRAYAL

  “Selena Laurence delivers on the promise of heat, and love with her sexy romances!” — Nana Malone, USA TODAY Bestselling Author

  Books by Selena Laurence

  The Lush Rockstar Series

  A Lush Betrayal (Lush 1)

  Loving a Lush (Lush 2)

  Lowdown and Lush (Lush 3)

  A Lush Reunion (Lush 4)

  The Rhapsody Rockstar Series

  A Lush Rhapsody (A Rhapsody Novel)

  Racing to Rhapsody (A Rhapsody Novel)

  Dreaming of Rhapsody (A Rhapsody Novella)

  Addicted to Rhapsody (A Rhapsody Novel)

  The Powerplay Series

  Prince of the Press (A Powerplay Novella)

  The Kingmaker (A Powerplay Novel)

  POTUS (A Powerplay Novel)

  SCOTUS (A Powerplay Novel)

  The California Cowboys Series

  Cade’s Loss (California Cowboys One)

  Vaughn’s Pride (California Cowboys Two)

  Ty’s Heart (California Cowboys Three) coming September 2017

  Standalones

  The Heir: A Standalone Greek Billionaire Romance

  Pax (Lush the Next Gen)

  The Czar: A Standalone Hockey Billionaire Romance

  The Hiding From Love Series

  Falling for Trouble

  Secrets in a Kiss

  Concealed by a Kiss

  Playing with Fire

  Garrett

  The human heart is a strange and confusing place. That fist-sized organ that is so essential to our survival, is often the source of a great deal of our pain.

  The heart is also amazing in its ability to be fickle, divided, and contrary. For instance, mine is capable of being simultaneously guilty and jealous over the same people. Green with envy for a man who lost his life months ago. But also guilty for what I did to him when he was alive. It makes no sense, but it’s become the driving force of my life. That, and avoiding sex. Because, well, I’m a sex addict.

  “Dude, are you sure you don’t want to go back to L.A.?” my bandmate Blaze Davis asks as he stands in the doorway of the apartment I’m staying in in Portland. “It’s been a few months, you’re rock solid in your recovery. They have meetings and counselors in L.A. too.”

  I shrug, trying to appear nonchalant as I stuff my hands in my front jeans pockets. “I like it here. I don’t mind staying. Everything’s a bit easier here for now.”

  He shakes his head. “If you’re sure. You just always loved everything about L.A. so much. I know you have to live a quieter life now, but I’m having a hard time picturing you going without the L.A. energy. Living in a tiny apartment above a pub isn’t a long-term solution for you.”

  “You’re living next door to doctors and tech billionaires, dude, hardly the rock star lifestyle.”

  He chuckles. “True, but I’m an old almost-married man and my in-laws are here. You know Tully doesn’t feel like she can leave Savvy. It’s been nine months, but seeing Kevin murdered in front of her eyes isn’t the kind of thing Savvy’s going to recover from overnight.”

  My heart and my guts both clench, that all-too familiar feeling of panic racing through me. And my vision is momentarily clouded by the image of Kevin’s blood pooled on the floor of the pub, dried at the edges, thick and coagulated everywhere else. I swallow to dispel the acid rising in my throat. I wasn’t there until a couple of days after it happened, but I saw enough when I finally got to Portland.

  Dez and I came for the service and to put me into rehab. I was shoved into the apartment I’m still occupying, Tully’s old place over the bar where Kevin died. The bar he and Savvy owned. We all agreed that a hotel was highly impractical considering my penchant for picking up groupies by the dozens and fucking them blindly. So, that first night we arrived, Dez dropped me at the bar, and went on to a hotel. Savvy was staying at Blaze and Tully’s and things were way too sensitive to add any non-family members into the mix.

  I could have simply come and gone through the back door to the kitchen. Headed straight up the stairs, pretended I wasn’t sleeping over a crime scene, but there was no way I was going to spare myself the proof of what had happened.

  So, before I even took my bags upstairs, I walked from the kitchen to the front, around the big, old-fashioned bar Kevin had been standing behind the last time I saw him, and on to where crime scene tape still laid in pieces around the stains. The family was so engrossed in taking care of Savvy and her son, Ty, as well as planning services for Kevin, it was no wonder they hadn’t been by to clean up.

  I stood there, in the midst of upturned tables, dirty glasses, and empty beer bottles, and I looked at the blood stain on the floor. Kevin’s heart pumped its last time on that worn wood, Savvy’s life was forever changed on that spot, and my heart broke for her. So I got down on my hands and knees and I scrubbed the last of him away, for her. I cleaned that floor until my own blood ran from my knuckles and my arms screamed for mercy so she wouldn’t have to face that again. I couldn’t turn back the clock on the rest of it, but damn if I didn’t make sure her floors looked like they had before all of it happened.

  Then I
stayed—after rehab, I went straight back to Portland and I stayed, because I couldn’t imagine not staying. I stay because it gives me something to focus on besides my addiction. I stay because I owe it—to both of them.

  Because I might have wronged him in the most disrespectful way, but I will stand by her no matter what. No one needs to know, Blaze and Tully don’t have a clue, and they never will. I’ve sinned a hell of a lot in my life, and most of it I can’t ever fix. I can’t undo all the damage, but here I can try. I can stay, and I can help, I can watch, I can work and shelter and ease the way. I’m here to protect and care for Savvy Scott and no matter how many times Blaze and the other guys in my band question me, no matter how many times my agent asks if I’m ever coming back to L.A., no matter how many times Savvy herself tells me to go, I won’t.

  I will protect her until my dying breath. Because not only do I owe it to Kevin, I owe it to her. I saddled her with something she never deserved, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make her life easier now. Savvy owns my ass from here on out, and I’m more than happy to give it to her.

  “I’m good,” I tell Blaze as I walk to the kitchen to grab one of the dozen fancy health drinks I keep in the fridge. While my counselors have said I’m allowed to drink, we all know that the lessening of inhibitions is likely to send me into the arms of the nearest buxom twenty-two year old, so I’ve been abstaining from booze as well as women. But I hate coffee, and water gets dull after a few weeks, so I’ve taken to stocking up on every chia-seeded, wheatgrass-laden, Omega 3-filled fancy labeled health beverage the Portland Whole Foods has stocked.

  So far, I hate every one of them.

  “Garrett?” Blaze asks, his voice softer than normal.

  “Yep?” I answer, not turning from the fridge where I’ve buried my head in avoidance.

  “Is there anything you ought to tell me? If you’ve had a slip up, I’ll understand. It’s not easy, and more of us fall off the wagon than stay on it.”

  It’s true, that if anyone would understand, it’s Blaze. He’s relapsed while fighting his drug addiction a few times, although I think this recovery will stick, because he has Tully, and he loves her too much to fuck up. But the thing is—I haven’t. I haven’t slipped up. Oh, I’ve been tempted to, trust me. I’ve wanted to do some really appalling things—but unlike when I was at my worst, I don’t want to do them to every woman I see. No, I only have urges when it comes to one woman these days. The one woman I can’t ever have. Just my luck. Cured, but cursed.

  “I haven’t fallen off the wagon, man.” I pull out a bottle of some mango, flax, chia shit with green tea extract and pop the top off before I turn to face him, expression as flat as I can make it. “Honestly,” I continue as I take a swig of the nasty stuff and grimace, “it hasn’t been bad.”

  He shakes his head. “I’m glad to hear it. Some days I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin if I don’t get some coke or a shot of whiskey. It’s not constant, but when it’s there it’s intense. I can’t imagine if my weakness were something that’s right there in front of me all the time—ready, willing, and encouraging me to fall back into it.”

  Yeah, women, and sex with them, is a bitch of a thing to be addicted to. Especially when you’re a rock star. Because I can tell you there are a lot of women who want to have sex with you. Anytime, any place, any position or kink you desire, there is a woman ready to give it to you when you’re a rock star.

  “Truth, dude. But I’m staying clean, and working my steps. I just happen to like it here in Portland. Is that so hard to believe?”

  Judging by the look on Blaze’s face—yes, it is. But that’s okay, eventually he’ll quit worrying and wondering, and he and everyone else will get used to my new role—as barkeep extraordinaire slash handyman slash best big buddy to Ty, son of Savvy and Kevin, and the cutest damn kid I’ve ever seen. I know I have obligations elsewhere, to other people, but for now I’m staying right here where I’m needed.

  Even if Savannah Scott doesn’t understand yet that I’m doing her penance for her so she can go on to have a beautiful life.

  Savvy

  “Ma, I’m fine, really,” I say into the phone as I stare out the windows of The Dublin Devil, the pub my late husband and I started.

  “Yeah, yeah, I know everyone’s going to be there. And look, you can keep Ty for the night, okay? But I have a lot of work to get done. The books for the month, and inventory. I can only let those things slide for so long.”

  I see a long-legged figure pass by outside, and in spite of myself I walk around the end of the bar and head straight to the big plate glass window with the pub name painted on it in gold and black lettering.

  I see him as he strides across the street, his denim-clad legs eating up the pavement, those stupid-ass motorcycle boots he wears even though he doesn’t own a bike clomping along the shaded sidewalk. He heads toward the corner, his pace relaxed, but sure. Then, as my mother continues to lament my lack of interest in the family’s weekly barbecue, as if he can feel my eyes on him, he pauses, turning to look back. I try to blend in with the window frame, tucking myself into the corner at the edge of the glass, but I know he sees me. I feel it, feel him, and for a brief second my heart speeds up and my blood heats.

  Garrett Jakes, lead singer for the rock band Rhapsody, is the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on, and try hard as I might to stop my mind from going there, when I see him, it inevitably does. But for every high, there is a subsequent low, and the lows that follow my lust for Garrett are the worst kind.

  Which is why I want nothing more than for him to leave. Go back to Los Angeles, get out of my sight. Because I know, for a fact, that as long as he’s here, living above my bar, helping with every little thing, looking after my well-being, and asking me to let him be my guardian angel, I will never have peace. The low that follows the high will continue to wear at me until there’s no me left.

  Garrett is slowly killing me and he can’t seem to realize it.

  “Yes, Ma. Okay, I understand. Yes, I’ll make sure Garrett’s around if I stay after closing. And I’ll pick up Ty in the morning about nine. Love you too. Thanks, Ma.”

  I look down at the phone to end the call and when I look back up Garrett has disappeared around the corner. I make my way to the bar, and get to work washing glasses. My cook is in the kitchen preparing for the evening, and the only customer is old Mr. Delios, who usually spends from two to six here every afternoon that his daughter will let him. He’s been an alcoholic for fifty years, and his daughter and I have an arrangement. I water down his drinks and let him sit here where he’s safe, she pays his tab and picks him up if I call to say he can’t toddle home.

  It’s unconventional but it keeps him out of trouble and his daughter knows him well enough to understand he’ll never stop drinking. At seventy-two, this is who he is. She can either love him or leave him, and he’s the only dad she has.

  I’ve finished up all the beer glasses when the bell over the door rings. During peak hours you can’t hear it over the noise of the crowd and the Irish music playing, but we have it so we can hear if someone enters while we’re in the back during the lulls in the day like now.

  My eyes dart up and there stands Garrett, a shopping bag in one arm, and a smallish box in the other.